Ask a (S)expert: "Why Don't I Feel Queer Enough?"

Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae's first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.

Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡

"Why don't I feel queer enough?"

Hey bae! Welcome to the club -- we've all been there! Biphobia, the dislike or prejudice against bisexual people, is so normalized that many queer babes have internalized it. In fact — and don’t fight me! — this question signals that you’ve internalized some bits of biphobia.

There’s no one way to be "queer." This is your life and your sexuality. Some people are straight passing and others rock a carabiner that screams gay. But one style isn’t more valid than the other.

Unfortunately, people will always have something to say. For example, Cardi B and Megan thee Stallion constantly face queer-baiting allegations. Brazilian pop star Anitta has already been titled a global bisexual icon. Yet, she faces repeated "fake gay" accusations. This tells us that some people are dedicated to misunderstanding queer folks and truthfully, that’s their problem.

Moe Ari Brown, Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert, said it perfectly: "Release any imposter syndrome" and "don’t be afraid to compassionately correct people," if they question your identity. This is a form of self-protection and frees up mental space for you to do exactly what you deserve: live your best queer life.

Moral of the story is: F-ck the opinions of other people. You’re valid as you are.

Best of luck, bae!

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