Ask a (S)expert: “Is It Too Soon To Bring Bae Home for the Holidays?”

Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae's first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.

Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡

"I'm debating bringing my partner home for Christmas or else they’ll be alone. We’ve only been dating 5 months, though. Is it too soon for that?"

Hey bae! Happy holidays! The holidays are a tough time for many so I completely understand not wanting your lover to be alone. But, taking your relationship to the next level can be nerve-racking no matter how long you’ve been dating, so let's dive right in.

In the world of sex and dating, there's a phenomenon known as the "three month rule." You know, that sweet spot early on where you're both actively exploring eachother and determining whether this investment is worth it. Once those 90 days hit, people usually have a strong idea of whether the dynamic will continue happily, end abruptly or enter the forbidden situationship territory before ultimately phasing out.

With that being said, those early weeks are your foundation and allow for intimacy-building, which essentially, is your bestie at this moment. Since you've made it past the three month mark and are considering shared holiday time, I'd assume it's safe to say you like the relationship's progression. When reflecting on your dynamic, do you think that you both have built the intimacy necessary to merge families? If so, I say go for it!

Yes, couples can wait until their one year anniversary approaches to introduce family and start attending important events, like Christmas. That's okay, too. However, I’m a firm believer that as a team, you and your partner can create the dynamic that works best for you, and update the rules as you grow together. Meeting family is a very intimate step. If you believe that your partner and family members can respect each other and celebrate, it’s a no brainer. If you're not ready for your baby pictures to be passed around after dinner -- abort mission.

For the queer baes in the chat, it's also important to consider whether your home dynamic will be a safe space for you and your partner. If it’s giving safe space, then go for it. If not, consider creating your own holiday traditions together.

Lastly, depending on how traditional your family is, there may be social rules and scripts that you have to follow – do not forget to loop your partner in on these. For example, where will you both sleep? Is it taboo to share a room? If so, they’ll have to prepare finances to stay elsewhere. Does your family run 5K marathons on Thanksgiving and Christmas? Or do they moreso prefer a shared meal and quality time at home? Make sure you prepare your lover and give them space to decide whether they’re ready, too.

For more sex and dating, tune in to our first-ever sex podcast: Servin' Sex.

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