Ask a (S)expert: "Best Tips for Coming Out?"

Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae's first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.

Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡

"Can you share your best coming out tips?"

Hey bae! Happy National Coming Out Day! Before we dive in, did you know that 30% of Gen Z Adults Identify as LGBTQ+? Basically, we’re all (ok, a lot of us are) part of the alphabet community so there’s a good chance the loved ones you’re coming out to are queer or already love someone queer.

However, depending on your upbringing, days like this can feel daunting or hopeful. What’s most important here is that there’s nothing to be ashamed!

The first question to ask yourself is: Is it safe to come out? Often we’re so eager to let our baby gay flag fly, that we forget that not everyone has our best interest at heart. Make sure the people you’re sharing your truth with respect you and your safety.

Next, do you have a support system? The term most queers are used to is "chosen family" aka the people who aren’t your blood family but have shown up in ways blood family hasn’t. Cultivating a chosen family is difficult for a few reasons. For example, if you live in a small, conservative town, there may not be a queer community due to homophobia. Or maybe the last lesbian bar in your town just shut down (it happens). If this is your struggle, know that you can still meet your chosen family through hobbies, queer events you find on social media, dating apps – literally anywhere queer people commune online or IRL.

Lastly, prepare for both positive and negative reactions – and leave room for people to surprise you. As you come out, you’ll notice a few different reactions. Some people around you have avoided sharing their truth out of fear and expect you to do the same. Others may openly shame you due to homophobia. Don’t get too personal with these people.

Then there are the people who will tell you "I already knew that, but thanks for sharing with me" or "I support you!" These are your people. Remember, cultivating your chosen family will always be a wise decision that supports you through it all.

Best of luck, bae!

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