Ask a (S)expert: "Is Flirting Cheating? My Man Doesn’t Think So..."

Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae's first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor.

Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡

"I have been married for 8 years now to a man who is outgoing and loving -- but once again I caught him flirting. This time it was with a woman 10 years younger than me. I am devastated but I still love him. I have toyed with separation and honestly have begun planning a life without him. The tough part is that our four year old daughter and I still have love for him."

Hey bae! Ah, this week is beginning to feel like the week of debatable partners – ahem, Central Cee. This is a question I often receive -- so much so, there's a name for it: micro-cheating. As we shared in our guide, micro-cheating "describes behaviors that are not usually considered true infidelity but may have some indicators of infidelity."

The short answer to your question is that your concerns are absolutely valid. Since you’ve set the boundary that flirting is not okay in your monogamous relationship, it's inconsiderate to repeat the behavior. Honestly, some would consider it cheating and not micro-cheating since you’ve already communicated that boundary.

 

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The hard part, however, will be your next step with the information you have. It sounds like you're almost at your wit's end. In that case, there's one rule of thumb, in my opinion, that trumps all. When you think of your life with your partner, the disagreements over flirting and how it makes you feel as an individual, partner and mom, do you see yourself wanting to deal with this in the future? His repeated flirting reveals that it will only continue as you age -- even if it might make you insecure.

Be true to yourself and as always, we're here for you no matter what you decide.

Best of luck, bae!

 

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While you're here, these are five signs your pet hates your partner.

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