How Burnout F-cked My Sex Drive

Imagine needing to review eight sex toys in two weeks -- but your vagina won’t turn on. Yeah, that’s been my life for the past two years.

As a Sex & Dating Editor, you can only imagine how problematic it is to work in the industry… but not be able to feel pleasure. My sex drive is essential to my career, yet as the months went on, I just felt my desire dwindle more and more. After about two years of increasing stress, I hit a wall. I became overwhelmed, irritable and honestly, tired of hearing myself say "I’m exhausted." No longer was my WFH desk vibrator doing the trick and before I knew it, the exhaustion of my day-to-day life completely annihilated my libido.

So of course, I vented to my wellness-obsessed bestie and she recommended I get my hormones tested. My first thought was "F-ck, as much as I hate my ex he was so right." My low libido was a sore point in my last relationship. As a trans man, my ex had a more well-rounded understanding of how hormones can affect your daily life. But, I was admittedly skeptical that a hormone test could explain all of my current problems. In an odd stroke of fate, I received an email from hey freya women’s health platform about a week later offering its "Measure Stress Test” which tested cortisol, a hormone that regulates stress. Immediately, yes.

 

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In just a few days, I had a little box at my front door. In the box were four vials for saliva samples – yes, you read that correctly. At that moment, I could only think, “I’m mailing my spit for a wellness experiment… this is so LA." But, alas, I spit into my four vials at the suggested times. After shipping it back out, I received an email to fill out a Lifestyle Assessment.

Within two weeks, the lab had run my results and my worst fucking nightmare was on the horizon: a stress test that read “Based on your cortisol score your physiology is telling us your body is” and in all bold letters "exhausted." On a scale of 30-80, with 80 being the best cortisol score for balanced functioning, my cortisol score was right at 30. "Your cortisol curve indicates that your body is in a stage of habituation to chronic stress," it read.

In true girlhood form, I called my bestie and vented my fears for the final step of the process: the 1:1 with hey freya’s Dr. Thara Vayali. Her job was to explain my hormonal health, stress trajectory and how that affects my life. What she shared next was a complete mindfuck.

"This is real burnout," she told me as I stared at her in horror. Immediately, my brain took me to my workaholic tendencies. The late-night hours and no days off? It was taking a toll. According to Dr. Thara, my results revealed that there was no cortisol left in my body to help regulate stress.

Here’s the science: In stage one of stress, your body increases your cortisol level to help you regulate in those moments. Here, you can enjoy rest days and fully recover. "If this goes on for an extended period of time," Dr. Thara continued, "your body enters stage two: chronic stress." In stage two, "Cortisol is like a fire hose" putting out fires for you.

If you don’t take ample measures to regulate, for example not taking those rest days or prioritizing that orgasmic release, your body enters stage three – habituation to chronic stress. Here, your body struggles to produce the necessary hormones for stress management and pleasure. Stage three was where I found myself. Exhausted, miserable and on my busier days, not even able to orgasm for a little stress relief.

Dr. Thara suggested I look at the bigger picture and ask myself: "Is there something I can modify or change my relationship with so it doesn’t bear a load?" "What can I cut out of my schedule?"

"This requires a lot of intentionality," she said. It was such simple advice, but exactly what I needed to hear. Sitting down with someone who could help me understand how my body works and how to best work with it? Invaluable. As a trauma survivor, I felt like I’d been given a cheat code to physical and sexual health. I was literally seated taking notes.

The bottom line is this: resilience is a great quality for success. But ignoring increasing stress to achieve a goal can be harmful to your mental and sexual health. Prioritize people and experiences that fuel you and remember: rest is essential to achieving any goal – whether it be your dream career or your next orgasm.

Freya, you’re a 10/10 babe.

Freya Measure Stress: At-Home Cortisol Test

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In other news, single women are happier than single men, a new study reveals.

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