Are There Benefits To Being Boysober?

As we predicted in 2022, a not-so-new sex and dating trend is among us and boy, was it a long time coming.

Ladies, it's time to welcome "boysober" into the chat, if you haven't already. Coined by comedian Hope Woodard, it refers to her year long break from sex and dating, and as NYTimes stated, it's almost a celibacy rebrand. Ironically, in 2022 -- as the Supreme Court prepared to overturn Roe v. Wade -- boysober was already becoming a trend, but with less sexy names like "volcel," aka  voluntary celibacy and "femcel." These trends, however, were about restricting sex... due to men.

At the time, I wrote an op-ed on why hookup culture was in its "flop era." I proudly wrote, "Sex is great… but with who?" And to be frank, the point still stands. For heterosexual women in the chat, casual sex has long been a double-edged sword. One end delivers -- hopefully -- amazing orgasms, while the other edge leaves you with little choice but to engage with cis heterosexual men who have yet to unlearn the perils of the patriarchy. Think I'm overreacting? Google "orgasm gap" or listen to this episode here. But it wasn't just here at hypebae, women worldwide were debating how men receive more benefits from casual sex than women. And before we knew it, lack of sex became a literal trend to the point where celibacy was the hottest topic.

@justhopinalongThe official boysober rules lmk if you had questions or feedback♬ original sound - Hope Woodard

Now, flash forward to 2024 and the girls aren't just ditching sex -- they're ditching love, too. Similar to the rise of "singles tribes" in 2022, it appears the girls are choosing themselves and ditching the boys. hypebae editorial intern Pranjal Jain spoke on her experience:

Being boysober is great because it shows me how much I've grown and how I've raised my standards and won't just date any man for the sake of dating and not being lonely. It also has helped me pour into my interests, friendships and just in general reminds me that life (and romance) are more fun when you're not constantly pining.

It sucks because it definitely gets lonely sometimes but more so because I feel like so many of my friends are cuffed or will prioritize their relationships over their friendships which I absolutely despise. So, I don't think it sucks bc I don't have a boyfriend but more so because it's hard finding women that prioritize their friendships. And to be clear, I don't blame them, but more so society that tells women we have to prioritize our romantic relationships.

For myself, being boysober has led to similar revelations about the realities of friendship. Some friends prioritize partnership and others prioritize friendship, so it's important to be realistic about the needs of your community and find friends that align.

In other news, is it sexual tension? Or are you overthinking it?...

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